Saturday, October 18, 2008


Life can be an interesting experience. Parts of life come and go, like high school and your babies growing up and becoming teenagers. People come in and out of your life. Your taste changes for just about everything. One day you love the granola look the next you love "sex and the city" clothes and heels. Your taste in music changes and maybe you like sushi now when you didn't before. And as life goes on your understanding of life grows. As you have ups and downs your knowledge of how life and Heavenly Father work together grows. You understand why things change and why you change.

The last few weeks have been pretty difficult in allot of ways for me. Yesterday I was watching my niece and she didn't want to be put down when she slept. So as she napped in my arms I read an article in the Ensign which talked about letting Heavenly Father lighten our burdens. Part of the article talked about what I call hot tub pity parties and how being unhappy especially around others is not helpful. Well, I guess I have been going to allot of "hot tub pity parties" the last few weeks. The problem for me has been that it is pretty hard to be around people who seem to be doing allot better then us, who seem to have no understanding of what we are going threw and how I feel, who can go threw hell and still come out better. And I realized that it's probably just has hard for them to be around me. It has been brought to my attention by a very important person in my life that I am pushing people away. That people who were my friends a few months ago I don't have much to do with now. My response to that was that those friendships were changing long before Danny lost his job. I'm not taking full credit for those relationships changing because it takes two. What I am saying is that for any of my friends and family who have felt like I have shut them out the last few weeks, I'm sorry. After reading the article in the Ensign, my perspective has changed. One part of the article said that to get us from where we are to where the Lord needs us requires allot of stretching and stretching is sometimes painful. Although I am generally not a patient person, I've decided that I need to leave my current situation in the Lords hands and some how I will be better for what ever reason when I come out. While blogging is a great way to keep up with friends and family, it's also a journal. So, if it bothers you to read posts like this, sorry. Someday, months or years from now, when I'm reminiscing, I'll remember what was going on in my life and how I came to realize why I feel the way I do about certain things. Thanks for reading and for loving me and my faults.


Misty said...

Sometimes I hate that we all have to stretch. Please remember that your loved ones hurt with you. We are here for you guys and pray often for you. We miss you...lots!

Equipoise said...

Trials are hard...and no one perfectly knows what you are going through but you and Heavenly Father/ Jesus...but we are here for you and we love you no matter what!!! These posts don't bother lets me into your feelings and helps me see who you really are. Love ya!

Lonni said...

I think we all have stretching to do. I really appreciate you writing about this on your blog, I really need to read that article. I want you to know that I really love you and would do anything for you. You can't push good friends away that easily, we are in here for the long haul.